How to have Healthy Relationships
Film Seven of the Restorative Practices Film Series
Healthy Relationships with Dr. David Mars PhD (67 minutes)
Wherein we dive deeply into what it takes to create a relationship that creates an atmosphere of safety, where we can grow into the fullest, present-moment expression of ourselves, through self and relational awareness, and learning to embody more the verb of love.
In this film, we join Dr. David Mars PhD, the Developer of Transformational Couples Therapy, to deeply explore what is required for us to create deeply healthy, reciprocal, enduring and emotionally safe relationships. For the past fifty years, Dr. Mars has been developing an approach to working with couples (whose principles are applicable across a broad range of relationships) that orients us towards safety and connection, towards continually choosing our partners, and learning to become 'the safest one in the world' for them. What does it mean, he asks us, for us to say to, and embody, with our partners, that we want them to feel safer with us than with anyone in the world. In this film, we explore what it takes, in a relationship, to create this atmosphere of safety, an atmosphere that can heal the traumatic attachment wounding that so many of us carry from childhoods in a traumatized culture.
- Participants understand the importance of orienting towards safety and connection, rather than towards what is wrong (our negativity bias) in relationships
- Participants understand what is required for us to 'create an atmosphere of safety' in our relationships
- Participants learn how early attachment wounding shows up in our relationships, and how some parts of us wants to hear what our partners are saying, while some parts don't, and how we can address this through awareness.
- Participants understand that love is an action.
- Participants learn about the importance of 'self-owned speech'
- Participants understand the value and significance of our 'necessary differences'
- Participants have a roadmap for practicing creating an 'atmosphere of safety' in their relationships
- Participants understand how to work towards 'knowing what they are showing,' and 'showing what they are knowing': alignment between body, speech, gestures, and emotional tone.
QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER REFLECTION
- What are the healthiest relationships you've had? What made them healthy for you? How did you know, in your body and your emotions, that they were healthy?
- What are your growing edges in creating healthy relationhips for yourself? What support or awareness do you need to increase the health of your relationships?